Thursday, April 12, 2012

Let it go.

I had a confrontation with a family member this week. It was heated, absurd, and a longtime coming. I'd been backing down and letting things go as "not important enough" to make a big deal over. Then something was brought up that I had thought we'd worked out months ago and I knew that it had never been worked out to begin with. And I got pissed.

I don't really do angry. At least not directed at anyone but myself. I'm a pro at being mad at myself. Like I could make millions if it were a professional sport. But back to the point, I got mad at this person, furious in about 2 seconds. Heart pounding, body shaking, tidal waves of rage mixed with overwhelming sadness that our relationship would probably never recover from.

Here it is four days later and the anger is long gone. In it's place is a sad peace. Peace because I know I didn't do anything wrong. OK, there may still be a tiny bit of frustrated hurt because she threw down the "I'm a mother" card as if that trumped any argument I might make.

For now, I'm moving on. It's been hard to not pick up the phone and attempt a reconciliation, I'm not good at letting animosity fester if I can do anything about it. The fact is, if the other person refuses to believe me when I am speaking truthfully there's not much else that can be done. I'm getting to be OK with that.

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