Thursday, March 24, 2011

Silence

This week’s Indie Ink writing challenge comes to me from Marian. After having last week off I was raring to go on my new wordy adventure:

Write a piece that takes place at the ocean, on the off season.

The boardwalk was quiet. All shops closed for the winter, the rides silent and unmoving. Bernie was all alone just the way she wanted. There were a few people out on the beach, but with all the stalls closed Bernie was able to enjoy the quiet.

She never seemed to get quiet at home. Living in a two bedroom house with three other housemates there was always a TV on or music playing. It didn’t help that Bernie had lost her job last week and now didn’t even have the refuge of her small cubicle eight hours a day.

“I wish I could keep you on,” Ken, her supervisor had said.

When she got to the end of the boardwalk she turned around and began walking towards the other end. She’d lost track of how many laps, she would just keep going until she came to a decision.

4 comments:

supermaren said...

I love the simplicity of this piece. It says just exactly enough to get the mood of the scene across. I half expect her to jump into the water and start swimming away from shore.

totthoughts.com said...

I completely agree with Supermaren, the simple tone and quiet setting lays the ground for potentially anything and that is a powerful thing to convey. This was a good piece Tobie.

Marian said...

yes! beautiful.
and there is something just so wrong and achy about "she didn't have the refuge of her small cubicle eight hours a day." sigh.

Mandy said...

This is awesome. Simple but so much depth!